Month: October 2017

When the odds are stacked against me. #me too

 The odds have been against me for most of my life. From the very start, I was born into a dysfunctional family, born to parents that couldn’t take care of themselves let alone children. Parents that were mentally unstable, a result of their own dysfunctional past. I lived through sexual, mental, and physical abuse for the first nine years of my life from the people who I should have trusted first and with my life. Then, the next eight years I experienced a greater hell than the first nine. The scars from those abuses have haunted me for years.

I believe child abuse takes its toll on the body. I believe the body, mind, and spirit pay for the past abuse in ways I never imagined. Now, I see that the odds were stacked against me because now I live with a disease that has ravaged my body on the inside. I suffer from mixed connective tissue disorder, an autoimmune disease that manifests itself in many different forms that attack you from the inside. Although my illness isn’t apparent on the outside, it is creating havoc inside my body.

Although the odds have been against me so many times, I am a fighter and a survivor. Every single day of my life, I wake up knowing that today is brand new day and no matter what I might have felt like yesterday, it doesn’t have any bearing on how I will feel today.  I mentally fight against my past and my illness every day, after all, I believe that healing begins in my spirit, then in my mind, lastly in my body. I must mentally decide on how much I will allow the things that come at me each day control me.

Aside from the odds, I know that I have a purpose in this life. No matter the terrible things that have come my way, I choose to put myself out there in the world, to people I may never meet, hoping that I will give someone enough strength to hang on for a little while longer. My quest and my goal are to touch someone for Jesus. He is my strength and a very present help in time of trouble.

(Psalms 46: 1)

#metoo #survivor #purpose # chronic illness

SLE LUPUS AND DRUG SIDE-EFFECTS

Source: SLE LUPUS AND DRUG SIDE-EFFECTS

If society as a whole is gripped with fear…

Like many people, I have watched the Las Vegas massacre unfold almost daily in the media. My heart goes out to the families and the victims of this horrible and senseless act of hatred. As an American, I can’t imagine being at an open concert and ever giving a second thought about the terror that happened that night. Unfortunately, we will all have to think of these scenarios from now on as our carefree freedom is slowly being attacked by domestic or foreign terrorists that simply have no sanctity of life. Those kinds of people have no hope, they do not have God and they care nothing of the sacredness of life.
 
The commonality with other attacks such as this one is, it is now a norm to fear public spaces. Each time one of these senseless acts of terrorism happens people are inundated with a little bit more fear. I learned a long time ago, that there is nothing to fear except for fear itself. In this case what that means is if we begin to fear going out into public spaces we will stop living. Once you start fearing like that, you become paralyzed, if society as a whole is gripped with fear we will no longer be living in a nation built on freedom, we will be prisoners to the next senseless act of terrorism.
 
I stand with my country regardless of the internal bickering that seems dominate the media’s attention.  I will exercise my right for freedom to enjoy life, to live and serve Jesus Christ. I will not live in fear of the things in this life, however I will be mindful of my surroundings. I will not allow the enemy to win by creating fear of living my everyday life.

I am what I am.

But by the grace of God I am what I am.
But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than
all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.
1 Corinthians 15:10
I used to have this famous saying, “it is what it is.” Every time I didn’t like something and I had to accept it, I
would spout off those words. It meant to me, that I had to accept whatever is happening.
I didn’t grow up in a family that was like the TV show that I used to watch as a child, “Growing Pains.” In
Growing Pains, the mom and Dad were in love and it was a picture perfect family of educated parents and kids
that had boundaries. In fact, I grew up in quite the opposite. In my childhood, I went from abusive parents, to a
foster home, then back to an abusive parent.
Many look at my life and wonder why God didn’t stop any of the abuse and now I am chronically ill at thirty
eight years old with the worst kind of Lupus. At times I have to admit it makes no since except for the passage I
quoted of Paul in the New Testament, “I am who I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No I worked
harder than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.”
It’s hard to say but I would not be the person I am today without all the trials I have faced. I have been through
abuse, and neglect and abandonment and at times the scars of those memories carry over into my illness. I still
feel alone at times, I still feel like I am fighting for my life and at times I lose sight of the one who has never left
me, God. I am far from perfect, but without God’s grace I could not face the battles that I have today. It’s in the
tough times that we gain strength. It’s in the tough times of testing that we are given testimony of God’s
goodness.
I catch myself at times wishing the bad things of my life would disappear but this morning I realize I am who I
am because I needed God, because of his Grace he saw me through and I am a better person because of him.

What is Dysautonomia? (living with a wonky nervous system)

Wow, I found this post extremely helpful as I suffer with neurocardiogenic sycopede and tachardia. I have had three fainting spells this year. Thanks for the info, I will be reposting this on my blog.

That Silver Spoonie

Are you yearnin’ for some learnin’ about another invisible illness? If so, grab yourself a  a Gatorade and a packet of salt and let’s dive right into this!

Note: If that snack doesn’t sound appetizing to you then you probably aren’t familiar dysautonomia, but keep reading if you want in on the scoop…

What is dysautonomia?

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Monday Morning Pick-Me-Up. You are the salt of the earth.

You are the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:  13
“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.”
I believe Jesus about this scripture with all my heart. We (Christians that love and accept and live by the name of Christ) are the salt of the earth. We have been called, ordained, set apart and given the Holy Spirit of God for a reason, a design, a plan and that plan is to show the world the love of God. We are here for a reason and as this scripture says we are here to add flavor to the world. Imagine the world without the love of God in it. It would be like eating a bowl of rice without salt or pepper. So go ahead today, add some flavor to your office, to your neighborhood, to your home and let everyone see your faith in God. Let everyone know that God loves them and someday He wants to bring them home to live with Him forever, but first we have to live life to the full, we have to be the light of Christ to the world. Don’t be just a part of the scenery, be the person that gives flare to the world.