Worrying never got me anywhere before. So why should it now? There have been many times when I could have died, but I didn’t. There have been many times that I made plans, but they didn’t work out. And there were many times when I said, “to hell with it,” but things worked out anyway.
We think we have control, we desire to have control but our control is very limited. We can control our attitude and behavior, but we have far less control of outcomes. We have no control over what other people will do, what nature will do, what opportunities will be available to us. We want what we want!
I think about all the craziness in my life right now with what seems like a trillion diseases that I can not control. The doctors don’t know what to do either. They finally have said the most heart-wrenching words anyone has to hear, “ we can’t do anything for you.” Sitting in the Mayo Jacksonville clinic, the place that was supposed to have the answers, the place I put hope into, within a years time had given up on me.
In the moment of heartache, and being lost for what to do next, the only thing that I knew was all I had was God. He can still heal me even if they can’t. He can ease the pain, he can mend the brokenness. It’s taken a bit to realize I can not worry about the next step and chase cures that aren’t there. Its taken a while to realize that I need to face each day one day at a time, one problem at a time. I do not look at my entire illness as a whole anymore, and I do not think about what if.