This morning, I was listening and singing to one of my new favorite songs that I have recently found, “My God is Bigger”, written by Matt Fawcett. The chorus goes like this:
My God is bigger, than the stars in the sky
My God is bigger, than the question why
My God is bigger,than the saltiest sea
My God is big, enough to love me.
As I was singing this song I realized that if I truly believe that God is bigger than anything that I face, then what do I have to worry about? I have been facing some pretty extensive things with my health and now I am having to take chemo therapy for my Lupus. If that were not enough, I have some extensive things going on with my family. Some days I don’t know what to expect, and I don’t how things are going to work out. I asked myself this morning, how much more can I take? God told me, it’s not for you to take on anyway, cast your cares on me. So, no matter what I am facing today, or in the coming weeks he can take it on. He is bigger than any problem that I may face, bigger than anything I can imagine in my mind. Today, I am casting all my imaginations down, I’m not going to allow myself to dwell on the negative, the illness, the problems. Since God is bigger, I’m going to give it to God and let go of everything that keeps me from seeing Him move. I am going to choose not to be too anxious or worry about what I can’t change any way. I must trust that he is bigger than all my problems. I know that I am in good hands with my Father God.
In a normal day, my family can tell you that I am notorious for forgetting where I left my keys last. It’s almost a daily event. I tell myself to put them on the hook by the front door but it never fails. I run inside and put them down somewhere other than the right place. Being a mother of two, a fourteen-year old girl and a ten-year-old boy, also adds to the confusion. I hurry them along and it never fails, I have them out of the door, the dogs have settled in and accepted they are being left at home and I can’t find my keys.
I realize that many people have this problem as we age and as life just moves so fast. It would be easy to take that on as my excuse but I realize that the forgetfulness is a real problem.
As my Lupus progresses it doesn’t get any easier. For two weeks in a row I have forgotten early day for my son at school. The school calls and thankfully they are quite understanding but it is really embarrassing and hard to explain to my son why Mommy forgot to get him on time. This isn’t the first time that I have forgotten the day of the week.
I am having increasing trouble remembering simple things but I try not to be obvious about it to others because I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. So, I laugh it off but inside I am screaming at myself and feeling so stupid.
I must remember that this is not me, this is my disease and it’s not my fault. I can overcome this by writing out notes the night before and setting alarms to remind myself. I wonder though how many others are having the same problems with their memory and what are some of things that you guys do to overcome?
via Daily Prompt: Qualms
As I think about the qualms in my life, I think about my life with Lupus. Life with Lupus isn’t easy but sometimes you have to find the silver lining in a bad situation. I have had many qualms along this journey. Today, I realize that even though I have been handed a bad hand, it’s just one of many jouneys. There are others that have it worse than I do. Lupus doesn’t define me and the best thing I can do is help someone else through their journey. It’s good for the spirit. I have no qualms today because God is my refuge and strength.